I didn't know if I wanted to post this or not but I thought I would feel better writting down my feelings. Yesterday I had an appt. for the baby. I went in as usual and she was measuring perfect and then when the doctor went to hear her heart beat he couldn't find anything. He tried for a good 5 min. Looking all over my belly and nothing. I can't explain the emotions that were flooding my at that point. We rushed over to ultrasound to see what we could see, there on the screen was my beautiful baby girl only her heart was beating so slow. When we listened to it right away I was panicked and then when I saw the doctor's face I knew something was wrong. Her heart was beating between 104-120 bpm. Which is low. I at that point shut down I couldn't think, I didn't want to move, I didn't know what to say. The doctor told me he was really concerned and need me back in the morning and they would look at her again. As I walked out of the office I called Lincoln and just cried and told him what had just happened. We both were in panic mode. I asked him to please find someone to come and meet me at the house for a blessing. I knew that would be the best thing for me. I need to calm down. The thoughts of losing my baby girl were all over me. All I could think about was how long I have waited for her. I keep trying to tell myself to have faith, but in that moment it was hard to find it. Lincoln rushed home to be with me and help me with the boys because the doctor told me to stay down until tomorrow. Soon after Lincoln was home one of his friends from the office showed up to help give the blessing. Lincoln asked if his friend could give the blessing because he was to emotionally involed. The blessing was beautiful and helped with a bit of peace, but I was still feeling scared. Afterward I came upstairs and stayed in bed all day. I am so lucky to have Lincoln here to help me with the boys. The boys were so sweet and keep coming up and checking on me.
The rest of the night all I tried to do was think of other things to keep my mind off of what was going on. I said a prayer and actually felt pretty good after it was over and I took that as a good sign. Heavenly Father knows what is best for me. When I woke up all I wanted to do was get into the doctor and see my baby and to know what was going on. Lincoln came with me this time and we were both so nervous, I couldn't stop shacking. The Doctor walked into the room and said that he was thinking about me and worrying about the baby and said he was hoping that he was just over reacting yesterday. I started crying before the ultrasound even started. The moment she was on the screen you could see her little heart beating and right at that moment you could tell she was okay. Her heart was beating perfectly. She was up to 165 bpm again. Which is normal. I started crying such a wave a relief rushed all over me. I love listening to her heart it sounded so much better then yesterday. The doctor checked her again and again to make sure she looked great and she did. I am going back in 2 weeks to make sure she stays the same.
I think I experienced one of the worst 24 hours of my life. The thought of not knowing what was going on and knowing if something was wrong I couldn't comfort her. I am so truly blessed and grateful to have her in my life and I already love this little girl with all of my heart. Going through what Lincoln and I went through yesterday day really makes you think of everything that is truly important in life and what really matters. I am so blessed with an amazing husband and 3 wonderful little boys and my little girl who I can't wait to meet.
Before I got pregnant with her I was having a hard time getting pregnant and asked lincoln for a blessing. In the blessing I was promised that I would have a little girl. I didn't know when but I knew I would raise a daughter. For our baby's name we are naming her Bella. I was looking up this name and in Hebrew it mean's "god's promise". I thought it was very fitting for her.
I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and to know that I can turn to my heavenly Father. I know that he knows what is best for me and what I can handle and I really am grateful for the experience that I did face recently.
